Laugh Laughing Laughed

Bella is laughing out loud again!! Flippin' Sweet!! I love to hear that.

She goes for chemo on Tuesday. We pray that she does well with it this time. They will probably give her both kinds of chemo tomorrow.

Love everyone

Jen, Jw, and Bubble Toes Bella

A bunny parade

How great Your love for us
How great our love for You
That grace could cover us
How great Your love

How marvelous, how brilliantly
Luminous, You shine on me
And who can fail to give You awe
To fear You, God, so sovereign and strong

What a glorious day
What a wonderful day, today
What a glorious day
What a wonderful day, today
Glorious day

david crowder band


Bella is doing fine! Its a wonderful day!

Jen, Jw, and bubble toes Bella

forget only to remember

Its strange how when things seem to be going well, you just forget anything bad is going on. Bella's having good days so you forget that she has a inoperatable brain tumor. But just the smallest thing can bring it all rushing back on you. You see something on TV, a song that I used to sing to her, or someone just ask how she is doing. It kind of brings you back to reality. There is something wrong with her and they don't know how its going to turn out. This is just something that I had to get off of my chest.

Jw

This picture represents how we feel sometimes

Black Friday

Bella is grand. She is eating and sleeping and eating. She is starting to make noises again.

We received a package from people that we don't even know today. It had a stuffed animal, necklace, card, and another toy for Bella. This kind of stuff really brings out the good in people. Why can't we be this generous all of the time?

Thanksgiving was good. Pops and Lewanda ventured into the cold weather of Ky. from Georgia. They are so good with Bella.

Well, not much else to tell. Oh, Jen and I got to go to the movies last nite. A date, that's cool!

Cya
Jen, Jw, and Bella

Thankful

I have went my whole life going to Thanksgiving dinners and not really being thankful. So another life lesson. I say everyone should really be thankful for something or better yet everything that you have. I am very thankful for Jennifer and Bella. Life would be so different without either one of them. Just think how your life would change without your love ones. So on this thanksgiving, give thanks.

Jw

Gobble Gobble

Bella is a little stinker! She is doing good. She only got one form of chemo today because her white blood cell count dropped. So she will do two forms again next week.

Happy Thanksgiving to all and to all a good nite!

Jen, Jw and Tiny Bella

A good day

We are so weak
You are so strong
We held you once
But we had already
loved you so long.



Bella is doing well. She is herself. She woke me up at 4am to eat. I fed her then put her in her bouncie seat. She proceeded to bounce her leg while I proceeded to sleep on the couch. I was continuously woken by laughter. I look over and she is still bouncing. She did this until 7:30 am. I almost feel like I have my baby back.

Cya
Jen, Jw, and Bouncie Bella

First Love

This is Bella's first love or the leg of her first love. We can go nowhere without the pink bunny. The bunny that Linda and Bill Cook bought before we went to Boston. The bunny has flown, rode the subway, and been thrown up on. Yep, the bunny got a bath.

Bella is doing fine today. She is acting more like herself. She has her legs bouncing in her bouncie seat. She is smiling, laughing, and eating like a little pig. She goes for her next chemo treatment on Wednesday at 9:30am.

Our spirits are better after getting a good nites rest. We love the nana and granny h for everything that do for us and Bella. Thanks for the sleep.

Love ya
Jen, Jw, and "the pink bunny lover" Bella

Out of the stinkin' hospital

Bella started holding down fluids yesterday evening. She is acting more like herself today. She kept Jen and Linda up all nite just laughing and playing. They said that she had a viral infection and it was causing her vomit. They say that chemo doesn't have that effect on babies. Wish we would have known that!!!!

We prayed that Bella would be out of the hospital soon. That she wouldn't vomit anymore. That God would move a mountain or tumor for Bella.

I put this picture of my tattoo on here for a reason. Bella's tumor is called desmoplastic infantile astrocytoma. The astro part means star shaped cells. The brain is a gray matter. There for the tattoo that I got when she was 2 weeks old. The name Bella. Stars with gray smoke around it. Weird, huh?

Things aren't going so well

We have been in the hospital since Wednesday. Bella is not doing well with the chemo. She is not holding anything down. She will vomit and vomit until there is nothing left. Then comes the dry heaves. This is the worst part so far. Just watching her vomit makes me want to vomit. We keep on hoping for something to change but it only changes for the worse. Nothing seems to be getting better.

Everyone says that Jen and I are strong but I will tell you that we are weak. We are physically and mentally drained. We don't hardly get any sleep. We left the hospital today just to sleep. I never knew that I could think of someone else more than myself. Right now, I have no needs or wants. Well, I guess I want Bella to get better. After that, I desire nothing. I cry just looking at her. We cried and cried and cried today. We don't understand why we are given something only to have it taken away? Why? I can't even tell Jen that everything will be ok. Because I don't know. I hate all of this!!!! We love her so much!!

Love everyone
Jen, Jw, and "twinkle toes" Bella

In Hospital and finally started chemo

We have had a very long 4 days. Monday, we spent forever in the hospital. That I've already talked about. Tuesday, we talked to the oncologist in the office. We think that she will start chemo. She had to go for a GFS test on her kidneys and have blood drawn. She is ok with both of them. She is so strong and I am so weak. So we go back to the doctors office and wait about 3 hours before they tell us that they are closing the building because of the bad weather coming. Can we come back tomorrow? Wednesday, We go expecting to start chemo. We get there and Bella has a fever of 100.9, dehydrated, and constipated. So off to the hospital we go, again. They gave her fluids all day, medicine for the constipation, but she still can't keep any food down. Everything comes back up. She is very irriratable and can't rest. She finally starts keep pedialyte down on Thursday morning. Her fever went down an hour after being in the hospital(lucky us). Thursday, she gets to start chemo. She started it around 3ish this afternoon. She seems to be doing fine with it. We prayed that the chemo has the opposite effect on her. That she will laugh at it and it has no effect.

Jennifer and I struggle everyday with this. Its hard to watch her going through this and be able to do nothing. We struggle with anger issues as well. We cry on each other. One is strong while the other cries. I guess we just keep taking turns, one is strong and the other is weak. We go back and forth. Sleep is a big issue right now, or lack of it.

We are glad to hear that Taylor is doing great. That gives both of us hope for the future. We pray that she never has to deal with this again.

Uncle Jerry just wants to tell Carson(the punk) that Bella is doing better. For him not to worry, that God is in control of everything.

We love getting the emails, cards, and phone calls. We cry sometimes just thinking of the support that has been give to us.

Love everyone,
Jen, Jw, and "little chicken lips" Bella

Kosair's Hospital is Horrible

Bella had a port put in this morning. Started around 8 am. So today class, we get a math problem. Its not diffucult but the answer suprised me. Here we go: Surgery 45mins to an hour, Recovery 45mins to an hour, and 4hours of fluids. So thats 1+1+4=6..So if start surgery at 8am and the total is for the day is 6 hours. So 8am plus 6 hours. Thats around 2pm, roughly. But for people in the medical field the answer is 6pm.. Thats what time we left the hospital, 6pm. So to recap, the hospital is horrible. We waited the last 4 hours for a guy to come in and say "yeah, her eyes did swell some". I feel bad, sort of, because I sort told the nurse that I would take all of my aggressions out on the doctor. Maybe, I threatened him a little but not to his face. Just enough to scare him. He came pretty soon after that. Anyways, Bella did fine. She is beautiful and wonderful. I wouldn't trade her for anything.


Tuesday, they are supposed to start chemo. Our confindence is very lacking in the oncology department here.

God, if we are supposed to be somewhere else give us a sign! Give us something, let us know. This is my baby girl. I might sound greedy but I really want to keep her here with us. I don't want to give her back! Take this tumor and give it to me. She doesn't need it. She is so small and precious. Let me love her for the rest of my life. I know that you have a plan that I don't understand. I have to except this plan but I don't have to like it. She is the best thing that I have ever done in my life. I have messed up so many times and she has done nothing wrong. So please give us a miracle and cure my baby. Let her be fine. Do what you need to do to me! please just leave her alone!!!!!! We love you and praise you for everything!!!

Family Weekend

We had a good weekend with the family. We had Terry and Dale, Terry, Dacia, Carson, and Callie Gwen, Linda Faye, Big Judith and Little Judith, Wray Boy and Wray's Boy, Steve and Sararose, Sharon and family, Lisa and family. We laughed and cried. Then we laughed alot at Little judith(Anna Kate). We loved going to Trinity Free Will Baptist. Everyone was so loving to us and Bella. She is now a celebrity in Bowling Green. Its amazing how much people can give of themselves.

Well, we are tired and have a very long week ahead of us. So got to go!!!

Cya
Jen, Jw, and Bella

Oh yeah, Sorry if I forgot someone!!!!

Central Line

Bella is scheduled to get a central line put in on Monday at 8:00am. We still don't know what form of chemo she will be given. We have gotten to the point of praying for a miracle. We ask God everynite just to take the thing away. We struggle with this...the why's? Why our baby? I'm sure this is what every parent says when something bad happens to their kids.

I have never seen so many people come together for us. Everytime we turn around we are hearing of something else for Baby Bella. A garage sale, a fund raiser, checking account, or someone sending us a card or email. I have never felt so loved in all of my life. I had almost gotten to the point of seeing bad in everything and everyone. I could never focus on the good. I now see the good and try not to see any bad in any situation. I know there is bad and this tumor is bad. But I now feel like I have my family back. I feel like I have my brother back. I feel like we now have a new family in Trinity Free Will Baptist. We love everyone of you. Please just keep on praying for Baby Bella, Jen, and I. We laugh and cry with Bella everyday. Somedays there is more crying than laughing but we try to see the good. The good is we still have Bella here on earth with us. We also try to focus on "It is better to have loved than have never loved at all"

One new picture and one old picture/Song Lyrics

We are enjoying everyday with Bella to most.
To the youngdogs: You guys have been great to us. We keep Taylor and your family in our prayers!

Beautiful
by Plankeye


You share her with me yesterday, so close and yet so far away
It's the little things she does that magnify your grace
And your grace resonates in my soul every time I see her face
At your feet I lay her down, humbly before you I bow
She's a blessing, you've given to me, Father of light
The lines have fallen in pleasant places, Many daughters have done well
But you excel them all. Protect her and mold her with your hands
You've been good to me my sweet
And your grace resonates in my soul every time I see her face
You have been a shelter Lord, and she has been my dream
Beautiful, beautiful, I feel your grace abound on me
In the light, in the light
At your feet I lay her down, humbly before you I bow
She's the blessing, you've given to me, Father of light

Just Song Lyrics

PEACHES & CREAM
John Butler Trio

Well there's far too many questions to ask,
To answer all of them tonight.
For I wear, too many masks,
To tell if any of them are wrong or right.
And confusion casts a shadow upon me,
Like a great big cloud in the sky.
And now I pray for rain
Cause it's been so long since I let myself cry ~

For so long, I've sang this sad ole song.
And it feels like my time is up.
For she came and landed in my arms
And she filled my half empty cup.
Yes she filled my half empty cup,

Now I look up above me,
And I thank that Great Old God in the sky.
For telling me my cup ain't half empty.
Just took my little girl to show my why ~

There you are.
Right in front of me,
A brand new day,
Sunrise Over Sea ,
No longer,
My cup half empty,
Cause there you are,
You and your mum in front of me.
Your Peaches & Cream to me.
You both are Peaches & Cream to me.

All I know is
All I know and
I love you...

Frustrated but she makes me smile

We went to the oncologists today only to hear the same ole' stuff. We feel like we are being jerked around and none of the doctors care about my baby girl. Jennifer did really good. She was very straight foward with the doctors. I bit my tongue because I could feel nothing good wanting to come out of my mouth. If I was talking, we would probably be looking for another doctor right now. For those who don't know, I have a very bad temper that likes to flare its ugly head every once in a while. Well, I feel like crying now. So I leave you with this picture to make you smile. She is so beautiful. I could not have asked for anything more. Look at those big blue eyes. I don't care if she can see me or not. She knows me, she knows my voice, and she knows my facial hair. She is my peaches and cream. She filled every void in my life. She can do the smallest thing and make me laugh. She is my badfish. She is the love of my life.

Rod it is ok for you to come up. I look forward to see you. Rod, you have gained my trust and my love. I appreciate everything that you have done. Thanxs

Love ya
Jen, Jw, and the toe biter Bella

Huh...

I never knew that when the sky was gray, all I can see is blue.

It's a lollipop time with you...

Bella is doing fine. Today was one of the good days. We had visitors. We had Granny H, Brandy, and the funny Anna Kate. She kept us laughing the whole time. She is a character.

We have a oncology appointment for monday. We will hopefully see what the treatment will be. What form of chemo, how often, etc.

Well nothing more to say but we enjoy the company...Thanxs everyone!
Thanxs Sara for supper the other nite(delicious)!

See ya
jw, jen, and baby blue bella

Back home w/nothing new to report

Bella is doing fine. Her soft spot is soft again. She was so excited to be put back into her car seat to go home. She is so full of life and laughter.

I have to go so I can go to work now.

See everyone soon!!!

Jen, Jw, Bella

Nov. 2: Another Night in the hospital

We are back in the hospital in Louisville. We are in Kosairs' Children's Hospital, again. Jen noticed that Bella's soft spot was no longer soft. It is filled back up with fluid and when she called the pediatrician, they said to go to the hospital. So we venture into the hospital again. I don't want to sound like a downer but sometimes it is very hard to focus on anything positive. Jen and I have both have our days, good and bad. It is hard to find anything positive in the words brain tumor. We struggle through all of this wondering why our little girl has to go through all of this? But then you look at her and she is laughing and playing with her feet (which she loves). She is the only reason why I have not complained about any of this before. If she is not in pain or crying, then why should I any think about complaining. She is wonderful, beautiful, and the most precious thing that I have ever wrapped my arms around. I used to cry just holding her in my arms because I couldn't believe that she was here and for me to enjoy. Now, we cry for other reasons. I truely understand the phrase, " It is better to have loved than to have never loved at all." I apologize if I sound very negative but today is a bad day for me. But we really love Miss Bella with everything that we can dig out of our human bodies. I really never knew that I could love something so much in such a short amount of time. Everyone please just keep praying for Bella...She is the one needing everyones prayers!

We are in room 413 at Kosairs. The phone number is 502-629-5664 if anyone wants to call or come by. We love everyone so much and are grateful to have everyone's love and support for us. We are very thankful to have Trinity Free Will Baptist as part of our family.

Love everyone,
Jen, JW, and the wonderful Baby Bella