How I love thee!

There are so many reasons why I love you but here are a couple:

The way that you take care of Rory and I. Without you in our lifes, I don't know what we would do. Who would change all of the stinky diapers? Who would talk to everyone on the phone? Who would do all of the little things that go unnoticed during the day? Not me, I don't even know what they are. But you do them!

You carry your self with dignity and respect. I have learned so much just from watching you. Sometimes when I'm not saying anything, I am just watching your beauty dance across the floor like its nothing. You are graceful, elegant, and miraculous. I love you, I love you, I love you. You are my sunrise over sea.

We long for the simple days of no doctors appointments, no medicine, or no rush visits to Kosair's. We long for simplicity, simplicity, simplicity. But if we stop and look. Life could be much harder if we didn't have each other. I could never fill the shoes that you walk in. I love you for you. I married you for you. Don't change, I love you.

What you talkin' about Willis!

Bella is doing great. She has two weeks off from the chemo. We are so glad. A vacation of sorts. We still are busy with other appointments.
The family ventured to Owensboro this weekend for a little time with granny h. We went bowling. Fun Fun. This weekend was a very good trip to Owensboro even if we did see Arlene while there. Ha Ha.

Love ya
Jen, Jw, and Bowling Bella

I'll be there for you

Jen is awesome with the little one. She has a heart so big. I am truely amazed that it fits into her body. She gives Bella all of the love that she give. This picture was taken early one morning, if you can't tell. Of course, Bella is wide awake.

Sara H., the shoes were a gift from LewLew. I believe she got them at Kohl's. They are Chuck Taylor's.

Love ya,
Jen,Jw,and Sugar Bugar Bella

Everyone can go to www.worldfamousbabybella.com to get here now.

hokey pokey

You put your Left foot in, You put your left foot out...

She is grand baby bella!!

Love ya
Jen, Jw, and Sugar Bugar Bella

So what!

Bella is, for some reason unknown to me, one of the happiest babies that I have ever seen. She almost made me cry in Sam's Club today. She just kept on laughing for really no reason but to laugh I guess. She just kept on. No one was touching her or anything. Maybe, an angel was touching her. You never know?


Thank you to Clark and Riggs. I don't know who you are. Are you like Black and Decker or Smith and Wesson? Just kiddin'! Thank you! Thank you to SHPS for everything. I don't know who you are either! Good thing Jen knows who you are.

Thanxs
Jen, Jw, and Sugar Bugar Bella

Weekend

Bella is good. She is bouncing, laughing, and getting mad at us. You know a typical teenager. She already likes to have her own space. Sometimes, she likes to just lay in her bed by herself. She must have got that me from me. Sometimes, I don't want to be around anyone.

Granny H came in this weekend. She helps Jen alot around her. They went shopping on Saturday. Saturday evening,Jen and I ,went out on a date. We went out to eat and to the movies. It was fun. The movie was OK. The food was delicious.

Love ya
Jen, Jw, and Bella

This is one of my fav-o-rite pictures. Its seems like an eternity ago.

better days

Jen and I heard a Christmas message based off of this song. Now, its one of my favorites.

GOO GOO DOLLS LYRICS

Better Days


And you ask me what I want this year
And I try to make this kind and clear
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days
Cuz I don't need boxes wrapped in strings
And desire and love and empty things
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days

So take these words
And sing out loud
Cuz everyone is forgiven now
Cuz tonight's the night the world begins again

And it's someplace simple where we could live
And something only you can give
And thats faith and trust and peace while we're alive
And the one poor child that saved this world
And there's 10 million more who probably could
If we all just stopped and said a prayer for them

So take these words
And sing out loud
Cuz everyone is forgiven now
Cuz tonight's the night the world begins again

I wish everyone was loved tonight
And somehow stop this endless fight
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days

So take these words
And sing out loud
Cuz everyone is forgiven now
Cuz tonight's the night the world begins again
Cuz tonight's the night the world begins again

A Conversation

Bella is doing well. She rolled over onto her tummy for the first time in about three months. She is a pistol. She is very independent already. She likes her own space. She wasn't as cranky today. She actually fell asleep in my arms tonight. She hasn't done that in a very long time. It was a great feeling. She is so sweet and loveable.

So now for my commentary: I think that we do so little with our lives. We walk around only to breathe. We can all do so much more with our lives. No matter what the circumstances are in our lives, we can do more. There that's it. That's all. Nothing to make you cry today. Nothing to make you worry about me. Nothing.

Love ya
Jen, Jw, and full of life Bella

Heaven

Heaven
by Live

You don't need no friends
get back your faith again
you have the power to believe
another dissident
take back your evidence
it has no power to deceive

I'll believe it when I see it, for myself

I don't need no one to tell me about heaven
I look at my daughter, and I believe.
I don't need no proof when it comes to God and truth
I can see the sunset and I perceive

I sit with them all night
everything they say is right
but in the morning they were wrong
I'll be right by your side
come hell or water high
down any road you choose to roam

I'll believe it when I see it for myself

I don't need no one to tell me about heaven
I look at my daughter, and I believe.
I don't need no proof when it comes to God and truth
I can see the sunset and I perceive, yeah

darling, I believe, Oh Lord
sometimes it's hard to breathe, Lord
at the bottom of the sea, yeah yeah

I'll believe it when I see it for myself

I don't need no one to tell me about heaven
I look at my daughter, and I believe.
I don't need no proof when it comes to God and truth
I can see the sunset and I perceive

I don't need no one to tell me about heaven
I look at my daughter, and I believe.
I don't need no proof when it comes to God and truth
I can see the sunset
I can see the sunset
I can see the sunset
I don't need no one
Ohhhh
I don't need no one
I don't need no one
I don't need no one
To tell me about heaven
I believe
I believe it, yeah

Blog diddie blog blog

Bella has gained a little bit more weight. She is at 7kgs or in the real world 15.4lbs. Her head got a little bit bigger but everything else is fine. She is goofy loveable. She is a big stinker because she stinks!!! Jen gets those diapers. Jen is so good with her. She just carries a conversation with her like Bella cares. She is doing fine!

Love ya
Jen, Jw, and Bad News Bear Bella

Martin Luther King Jr. Birthday Day

I had a dream that I was walking on a sandy beach. Beautiful calming blue water, brisk wind, and the sun gives off just the right amount of heat. You know, like the kind of setting in those retirement catalogs. Anyways, I was walking alone. Then, I heard a voice yell out to me. She said, "Daddy!". I didn't recognize her at first but I recognized the voice. The beautiful sweet voice that laughs with love. She got closer and all I could do is stare. I was speechless. It was my little girl, Rory Isabella Shoemaker. Only she didn't have any scares, she had hair, and most important she wasn't sick. She was my healthy little girl. We walked and talked for an eternity because we were in heaven. This is my vision for heaven! How I long to go there just to see my baby girl healthy. Jen and I love her no matter how she looks or what kind of illness she has. But what would life be without life throwing you a curveball every once in while. Jen and I struggle with everyday task. We love her! Please God heal my baby. I look at old pictures and I can see her looking right at me! I hate that she doesn't see me now. I hate all of this! I don't want her to ever have to go to the oncologist again. I don't want her to have to see a speech therapist, physical therapist, or anyone from hospice ever again. I just want her to be health!
Its three in the morning and I sit in front of the computer wanting my baby girl to be OK. I sit here not with the intent to make anyone cry but this is my therapy. I don't like talking to people about this stuff. Its way to hard for me. So I struggle with this daily. I'm not OK with this! This is the hardest thing that I have ever had to go through in my whole life. Please, when you keep Bella in your prayers, just remember Jen and I. Pray for a sense of peace and calmness that we will never understand. Because we don't understand!

Love ya,
Jen, Jw, and Celestial Baby Bella

Pull harder next time!!!

Give me your hand
We will walk through this together
Give me your hand
We could walk like this forever


You are one of God's puzzle pieces for my life
I gave you my hand
He gave me you and a wife
I gave you my hand



Love ya
Jen, Jw, and Bella

Today

They say what doesn't kill you will make you stronger. I say what doesn't kill you will make you die sooner. My heart is breaking. It feels like someone just ripped it out and stomped on it. I have so much going through my head that I can't keep track of it. So many things that I want to write but can't. I thought I was doing OK. I found out that I'm not. I saw a friend of mine the other night at work. He had only found out that evening. He asked me some questions and I just wanted to fall to the floor and cry. People ask how I am doing. I look at the floor and tell them OK. I can't look them in the eyes and tell them the truth. I don't think that anyone knows how I feel. I don't know if anyone would or could understand. I have anger, hate, and I still find myself with alot of questions. Like, what would she look like now without the scares? Why is it my little booger? Out of all of the children in the world, why mine? What did I do? What did I do? She is the best thing that has ever happened to me. So why this? Questions with no answers, is that all that I have to hold onto now? I sit here with tears flowing down my face looking at these words on my computer screen, wondering where do I go from here?

Baby girl is doing better than I ever will. She has been fussy the past couple of days. Don't know if its a tooth or if two weeks of strong chemo is getting to her. I still find it strange how someone can brighten and darken your day, by taking just one glance at them.

Love ya,
Jen, Jw, and Baby Bella

A picture and song lyrics

I choose to write nothing today. These speak tons on how I feel today, yesterday, and tomorrow.

No Other Way By Jack Johnson

When your mind is a mess
So is mine
I cant sleep
Cause it hurts when I think
My thoughts aren't at peace
With the plans that we make
Chances we take
They're, not yours and not mine
There's waves that can break
All the words that we say
And the words that we mean
Words can fall short
Can't see the unseen
Cause the world is awake
For somebody's sake now, please close your eyes woman
Please get some sleep

And know that if I knew
All of the answers I would
Not hold them from you'd
Know all the things that i'd know
We told each other, there is no other way

Well too much silence can be misleading
You're drifting I can hear it in the way that your breathing
We don't really need to find reason
Cause out the same door that it came well its leaving its leaving
Leaving like a day that's done and part of a season
Resolve is just a concept that's as dead as the leaves
But at least we can sleep, its all that we need
When we wake we will find
Our minds will be free to go to sleep

And know that if I knew
All of the answers I would
Not hold them from you'd
Know all the things that i'd know
We told each other, there is no other way

Chemo Tuesday

Tuesday has become, at least in my head, the day in which the doctors choose to inject poison into my little baby to make her better. We go in there like nothing is wrong and we watch as they put the needle into her port. She can't feel that because of the numbing cream but I'm sure she feels everything else. She is so good down at the doctors office. I sit and I watch all of the other kids in the office. I wonder what is wrong with this one or that one. I guess I will never know. Its like the one place where no one wants to talk about their illness. They just want to be kids or parents of a healthy boy or girl. You can see the pain in everyone's eyes. I wonder if you can see it in my eyes or am I doing a good job covering it up. If you can't see it, its there! Its all through my body!

Bella is doing good! She is loving, laughing, and lolligagging!!! She is my love, my angel, and my life!!

Love ya
Jen, Jw, and Boogie Bella

Baby Power!

Bella and Jen are back at the homestead now. Its good to have them back. It was very quiet around here while they were gone. But come to find out I miss the noises. I missed being woken up by the baby crying or Jen coming into the bedroom to get something. I missed it.

This is my Baby Power picture. All the babies raise your hands and march around and just take what you need!

Cya
Jen, Jw and Baby Power Bella

sleepie sleepie time

Jen and Bella ventured to Atlanta this weekend. I miss me some Bella and Jen.

Love ya
Jw, and Atlanta or Bust Jen and Bella

Chemo day

Today was the dreaded chemo day. Its really not that bad. She doesn't realized what is going on and she sleeps through most of it. She snubs her nose at the chemo. The only real visible side effect is more crankiness and she sleeps more. Her white blood cell count was way up this time. GREAT!!! She bounced right back from this past week. I don't know where she got this hat to pull out all of magic tricks but I want one!


David and Karen Price came out last nite. They brought there kid-o Jacob or as I called him J.C. He's a five year old. Thanxs for the supper. Be sure and David, be sure and thank you mom for us. Everything is greatly appreciated.

Love ya
Jen, Jw and White blood cell bum kicker Bella

No picture today

There will be no picture of Bella today. I will try and describe her beauty to you.

When you see her smile, it makes your day. When she smiles because she can hear voice, you want to cry. When she smiles because she's getting ready to pass gas, you laugh after she passes gas. To describe her beauty is so hard. I don't even know where to begin. She has so many strange things that make her Bella. The way that she wants to lick the side of her car seat, that's Bella. The way she seems to end up with the butt of all her stuffed animal in her mouth, that's Bella. The way that she has taught me so many different life lessons and doesn't even begin to understand that, that's Bella. The way she can make or break your day and not even comprehend any of it, that's Bella. She knows my voice and I know her's. She knows the way that daddy holds her and daddy knows what she feels when she is in his arms. Somehow, she knows to smile when I tell her a joke. Joke: Two men walk into a bar, the third one ducks. She gets it, whether you do or not is a different question. She loves Jen and I in someway that we will never understand. She will grow to understand the love that Jen and I have for her. She is our love. She is our beauty. Somehow, when two uglies get together they make a pretty. Ugly + Ugly =Pretty. I don't get it.

Bella has taught me to love everything. I don't get angry at petty little things anymore
Bella has taught me what is important in life. That Life is important in Life. Live it or lose it.
Bella has taught me to be nicer to people. Everyone has good in them.
Bella has taught me that there are more good people in this world than I had ever imagined.

Love ya
Jen, Jw, and Ragamuffin Rory

Santa Baby-Bella

Here's the Santa Picture that we promised. No hat, its was to small for her head. She hates things on her head anyways.

Always Love, Hate will get you everytime!!


Always Love ya
Jen, Jw, and giggling Bella