I had a dream that I was walking on a sandy beach. Beautiful calming blue water, brisk wind, and the sun gives off just the right amount of heat. You know, like the kind of setting in those retirement catalogs. Anyways, I was walking alone. Then, I heard a voice yell out to me. She said, "Daddy!". I didn't recognize her at first but I recognized the voice. The beautiful sweet voice that laughs with love. She got closer and all I could do is stare. I was speechless. It was my little girl, Rory Isabella Shoemaker. Only she didn't have any scares, she had hair, and most important she wasn't sick. She was my healthy little girl. We walked and talked for an eternity because we were in heaven. This is my vision for heaven! How I long to go there just to see my baby girl healthy. Jen and I love her no matter how she looks or what kind of illness she has. But what would life be without life throwing you a curveball every once in while. Jen and I struggle with everyday task. We love her! Please God heal my baby. I look at old pictures and I can see her looking right at me! I hate that she doesn't see me now. I hate all of this! I don't want her to ever have to go to the oncologist again. I don't want her to have to see a speech therapist, physical therapist, or anyone from hospice ever again. I just want her to be health!
Its three in the morning and I sit in front of the computer wanting my baby girl to be OK. I sit here not with the intent to make anyone cry but this is my therapy. I don't like talking to people about this stuff. Its way to hard for me. So I struggle with this daily. I'm not OK with this! This is the hardest thing that I have ever had to go through in my whole life. Please, when you keep Bella in your prayers, just remember Jen and I. Pray for a sense of peace and calmness that we will never understand. Because we don't understand!
Love ya,
Jen, Jw, and Celestial Baby Bella
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3 comments:
We were led to your site by one of our daughter's nurses.
We will lift your precious Beautiful Bella and each of you up to our Lord.
There are no words to make this better....but please know, we will bathe you in prayer.
www.caringbridge.org/nc/bonnieclaire
My heart goes out to you. I check on Bella often now. I can not even fathom what you must feel. I know that it is not alright, but I know that God will sustain you. It is not a pain free trip though. I will pray for all of you, just for God's sustaining love to hold you through these days.
Love and Prayers from Phoenix.
Jerry, Jen, and Sweet Baby Bella,
We are praying for God's blessings on your family and for comfort for you all as you go this unbearable struggle. I had someone say to me recently during Mom's illness "God doesn't put more on us than we can bear"... I know it was meant to comfort --> but it didn't! No words can help, so just know that Pete and family are lifting you up in prayer daily.
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