She's Beautiful

Bella is doing good with the chemo. She only received one kind yesterday. Its the weaker of the two. Its strange how she can make you laugh and cry all in one sitting. We look at her and see her beauty but we also feel heartache about the situation. We struggle with all of the same questions over and over and over. All of the Why's!!!! Why are baby? Why babies at all? Questions that have no answers are the worst. All you do is sit and try to answer them all in your head. So you talk yourself into the worst. Knowing that I did nothing to cause this, I still feel resposible somehow. I don't understand nor do I ever want to understand any of this. People ask how we are doing and reply "fine" because we don't think that anyone really wants to hear any of this. We don't want to burden anyone else with this. So most of the time I sit with Bella telling her how I feel. She is a good listener but sometimes she likes to talk over me. So in return, I just sit and listen. She is beautiful and a good listener.

Love ya,
Jen, Jw, and Sassy Bella Shoemaker