So we received Bella's MRI report today. The tumor has started to grow again. Now Bella is facing a new coctail of chemo drugs for up to two years. I was so looking forward to her going off chemo at the end of December, so this is a big blow to me. Like always, I keep it together because I've always had to. I think there have been times when I have been criticized behind my back for not showing more emotion, but someone has to keep it together while everyone else falls apart. And by this point in time, it is like second nature to me. I don't have the luxury of falling apart, especially now. The most important thing for me is to provide a positive environment for Bella - full of laughter and love. So I hold it all in so that she doesn't hear the sadness in my voice or the gut wrenching sobs. Laughter is infectious and so is sadness. So I just keep on laughing.
People tell me how strong I am through all of this, but I cannot take any credit for it. My faith is what keeps me strong. God has carried me through all of this. I don't know why any of this is happening, but I know that God is with me and He's with Bella. Whatever our need has been, He has always pulled through for us. And I know He will continue into the future. So that is why I can say that we may have lost this small battle, but the war is not lost. Bella is a fighter and so am I. As long as she wants or has the strength to fight, I will do whatever she asks of me to help her.
Please keep us in your prayers.
Jen and Bella
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5 comments:
Oh, Jen. Tears are flowing down my face as I read your post. I don't know you personally. I just know Dale and her family from church. I love you guys. I just want you to know that I admire you and pray for you and Bella. I am like you - I don't know why these things happen, but I know He is with us when we walk the long road - and I know it is easy for me to say that as I have 2healthy children for which I am so thankful.
I pray for His grace and peace for you guys as well as healing.
Jennifer,
Hey girl! We have thought of you a lot lately, and said many prayers for you two. This news does sadden us, but we know you are so strong for Bella. God knew exactly what Bella's mommy needed when He made you. Call us!
The Shelton's
Jen,
Just know that we are always thinking of you and Bella and you are always in our prayers. Take care of youself.
Hope to see you sometime soon.
Jennifer - sending you prayers every day for shrinking tumors, effortless strength and plenty of joy and laughter for you and Bella. What a great team you are.
Jenny Bean
Grace, Grace.Jen,
Hold on to God and pray, pray.Love 'ya Linda c.
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